If you have read the book, The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, you are familiar with the concept of giving children the type of love they most appreciate.
According to the authors, the five ways to give love are as follows.
physical touch
affirmative words
gifts
acts of service
quality time
As a parent, it often seems that gifts are the highest priority on most children’s lists, especially after a trip to Target.
While I firmly believe that being aware of the way your child most appreciates being loved, is important, any parent knows that we love them in other ways that are not appreciated in the moment, but that they may appreciate later. ..or maybe not. Thus follows the conflict between doing what your child wants and doing your job as a parent.
As a not quite crunchy parent, here are some of the ways that I love my child, rather he appreciates it or not!
1. Limiting media
2. Buying no candy - he gets enough from others
3. Serving water as the drink of choice
4. Eschewing licensed toys, clothes and books (usually)
5. Limiting toy weapons to those developed prior to the industrial age
6. Buying Playmobil figures rather than action figures
7. Saving trips to MacDonalds for emergency situations
8. Previewing DVDs with a hawk eye for inappropriate content
9. Offering organic cereal bars instead of cookies for snacks
10.Not allowing him Lego Bionicle until he is older
11.Pretending it is impossible for us to have television reception – ergo no commercial TV
12.Finding reasons to not invite certain children over for a playdate.
13. Instituting “buying days” and “not buying days” so he knows before we go to the store… what is in store.(No particular pattern to this. Non-buying days generally occur just after my DH complains about all the toys we have lying around)
Perhaps some day he will thank me. If he doesn’t, at least I’ll feel good that I substituted lots of quality time, lots of trips, lots of books and lots of laughter for the things I didn’t give him.
How do you love your child whether he appreciates it or not?
According to the authors, the five ways to give love are as follows.
physical touch
affirmative words
gifts
acts of service
quality time
As a parent, it often seems that gifts are the highest priority on most children’s lists, especially after a trip to Target.
While I firmly believe that being aware of the way your child most appreciates being loved, is important, any parent knows that we love them in other ways that are not appreciated in the moment, but that they may appreciate later. ..or maybe not. Thus follows the conflict between doing what your child wants and doing your job as a parent.
As a not quite crunchy parent, here are some of the ways that I love my child, rather he appreciates it or not!
1. Limiting media
2. Buying no candy - he gets enough from others
3. Serving water as the drink of choice
4. Eschewing licensed toys, clothes and books (usually)
5. Limiting toy weapons to those developed prior to the industrial age
6. Buying Playmobil figures rather than action figures
7. Saving trips to MacDonalds for emergency situations
8. Previewing DVDs with a hawk eye for inappropriate content
9. Offering organic cereal bars instead of cookies for snacks
10.Not allowing him Lego Bionicle until he is older
11.Pretending it is impossible for us to have television reception – ergo no commercial TV
12.Finding reasons to not invite certain children over for a playdate.
13. Instituting “buying days” and “not buying days” so he knows before we go to the store… what is in store.(No particular pattern to this. Non-buying days generally occur just after my DH complains about all the toys we have lying around)
Perhaps some day he will thank me. If he doesn’t, at least I’ll feel good that I substituted lots of quality time, lots of trips, lots of books and lots of laughter for the things I didn’t give him.
How do you love your child whether he appreciates it or not?
Visit all the Thursday Thirteen bloggers!
BTW- I like this post so much, I'm also submitting it to scribbit's "Write Away" contest. Visit her to see more entries!
Update:Well, it looks like some other folks liked this post too! I've been nominated for a GNMparents.com Hot Stuff award. Gee...I'm a little overwhelmed and have been dancing around the house, knocking over stuff - my first award nomination! Please give me a vote, if you would.
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13 comments:
haha, wonderful list. happy TT!
Very nice list.
I love your blog.
I'm playing the Meet-n-Greet game! This is a good list. I do some of the same things - limiting snacks, TV time, etc. :) It's for their own good!
Thanks for visiting ankur,maggie,el-e-e -
I think you're doing a wonderful thing and are probably in the minority with this. The toys these days especially seem geared toward violence. And the food....good for you. YOu're establishing healthy eating habits!
My 13 are up.
We have quite a few of the same things! We haven't had commercial TV for over 10 years now. My favorite way to give love lately is "Library Day" where we go listen to a story and they each check out a book with their own card. Also went to a children's nutrition class last night.
Chickadee and ca momma - Thanks for stopping by! Library Day is a great idea.
Congratulations this post has been nominated for a Hot Stuff Award at GNMParents.com.
Voting closes on Thursday. Good Luck
Well I'm voting for you as Hot Stuff at GNMParents! Being a crunchy mom myself, I always enjoy reading and promoting other natural blogs.
But I've got a bit of a bone to pick. ;)
You say:
"Not quite crunchy, not quite mainstream...my approach to parenting my preschooler straddles the middle."
But "mainstream" is the middle, so isn't your approach side-stream? Just something I've been wondering myself about how to describe my own approach (and wondering what the actual term would be). :D
Now I've got to go link to you at one of my sites: www.naturallywahms.com :)
Thanks for stopping by Barb,
Good point about "Mainstream" being the middle. Isn't language wonderful?
I think perhaps "Mainstream" and "crunchy" are parallel streams...I guess I'm parenting in the grass between or maybe in a brook that connects them. :-)
LOL - I'll check out your site
MC,
It's hard to tell where we all are, isn't it? I grew up in a very mainstream family, but was always closer to the bank. And the more I let myself be who I truly am, the closer to the bank I get. :D
I know I don't "need" a title to fit in, but it does give a sense of relief, doesn't it? Good thing most days I don't think about it, or else I'd be a muddled mest a lot of the time. LOL.
Great list. My "hamster" is now 12. I FINALLY allowed video games--sports, racing and Narnia are about all that are allowed. I also reserve the right to show up unannounced at friends doors to make sure those are the games played there, too, when he's present! Mean, just plain mean! We don't have cable and tv reception isn't great. Know what? Unlike his friends most of his time at home is spent in IMAGINATIVE PLAY--dressing up and being Zoro or other types with his younger sister. Keep doing what you are doing! Oh yes, unles you homeschool the food thing only gets harder. We have the home/away rule too. Don't expect a packed lunch to work forever! Great blog--this was my first visit!
Thanks for stopping by hopewellmomschool!
I'm happy to hear that by limiting media they continue the imaginative play until 12. So many that age and younger seem to have abandoned it!
Thanks and hope you'll visit again
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